Before I start slamming the new movie, I'd like to explain my stance on the series. I'll keep this as brief as I can.
When Sylvester Stallone first announced The Expendables, a film that would star a bunch of old-school action heroes and have a spirit drenched in the 80s, I was ecstatic. After the cast was announced? Not as much. However, I fully intended on seeing the film anyway. I remember walking out of the theater and being disappointed. The action was mediocre, the villains were no fun, and the coolest thing that happened was Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger had a small scene of dialogue together...yes, they talked for 2 minutes and it was still a bigger moment than anything else in the film.
About a year or so after the film came out, a Director's Cut was released on Blu-Ray. I never bothered to watch that version of the film. My Dad has it, but he didn't seem too impressed by it, and he loves the movie. So, I really doubt I'm missing much by not seeing it. However, I should probably watch it sometime, just in case haha.
In 2012, The Expendables 2 was released. It had been a summer of ups and downs as far as films go. The Avengers had rocked my world, Ted surpassed my expectations, Prometheus made me curse the name Lindelof, and I skipped Amazing Spider-Man and Dark Knight Rises because they looked like poo. So, as August rolled around and Stallone and his crew were back in theaters, I wasn't expecting much. Fortunately, I was very wrong. The second film fixed everything that was wrong with the first one. The villains had a bit of depth and I wanted to see them die, Arnold and Bruce joined in on the carnage, the lone female character wasn't boring and/or spouting cliched dialogue, and most importantly, the action was so much better. This time upon leaving the theater? Happy, maybe even giddy. Me and Dad talked about who we wanted to join the franchise next, who we didn't, what could they do for a story next, etc. It was great. Hell, the only thing we didn't like was Chuck Norris. Sorry kids, but I've never liked him, except for that time Bruce Lee mopped the floor with him.
And now, here we are, 2014 The Expendables 3 and...well, it sucks. This film actually ranks lower than the first one for me. It is just terrible. And that's too bad, because there are some really great things going on here. Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas both shine as new(old) members of the team and although he's not given nearly enough to do, Mel Gibson is a damn fine villain. Also, surprisingly, Kelsey Grammer comes in and plays a role very similar to Mickey Rourke's in the first film and does a great job. Harrison Ford replaces Bruce Willis but feels kinda out of place here and Schwarzenegger is wasted. Oh yeah, they brought Jet Li back too, also wasted. The worst transgression is definitely the new-and-improved, modern, young Expendables. Ugh. My suspension of belief can't imagine Victor Ortiz and Glen Powell as being super tech-savvy and their acting is awful...but not as bad as Kellan Lutz and Ronda Rousey! Rousey is easily the most laughable of the bunch and has some of that awesomely stupid, cliched, tough female action dialogue. "Men". Hahahaha. Are they for real with this shit?
The movie opened in 4th place at the Box Office this weekend and will probably be dumped from theaters within two weeks. I've read a lot of articles blaming the weak numbers on the fact that the film leaked online a few weeks ago and that most people have already seen it. I highly doubt that, if anything, those who already saw the film probably warned friends and family not to waste their time. If only I had been so lucky.
There has been talk of a sequel or an all female spin-off. Honestly, let it die. A sequel will probably feature this "new generation" and instantly suck because of it. The spin-off idea sounds a bit hokey, but not because it's all female action stars...nope, instead I can just imagine all of them being written exactly like Rousey's character in this one. Torture. Pure, unadulterated, torture.
Let me know if I should give that Director's Cut a look sometime and stay as far away as you can from The Expendables 3.
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